I’m bringing booty back
Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches Hey
No, I’m just playing I know you think you’re fat,
But I’m here to tell you that,
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top
I’m bringing booty back. I am kicking butt with my weight loss and have reached my next goal – my wedding weight!
Looking back I thought I was destined to continue to put on weight. Year by year since high school the weight slowly crept up. No matter what I tried, what diet I was consuming and how hard I exercised the weight kept piling on. Controlling portion size, low-fat everything, chromium tablets to control sugar cravings, slim shakes, appointments with nutritionists, the list goes on. Clothes became smaller and tighter gradually till I reluctantly gave in to the next size up. I had this image of myself as massive, always bigger than the rest of the girls.
Despite training hard with a PT to look toned and terrific on my big day, my wedding weight to me was huge, the biggest I had ever been. And the weight continued to increase gradually after we were married till I was bigger still. A few years later I then fell pregnant, a guaranteed weight gain. My doctor advised me for my size a weight gain of 10-12kgs was acceptable. I freaked as I had heard stories of other women gaining up to 30kgs whilst pregnant. I wasn’t happy with my body before getting pregnant and seeing my belly grow made me uncomfortable, even though I knew I was growing a beautiful baby. I was reluctant to have photos taken of me while I was pregnant due my feelings of unease with my size.
After the birth I think was on track with the acceptable weight gain. I thought once the baby was born my body would bounce back, that breast-feeding would help me to lose the baby weight. I had this idea floating around my head that I could be a yummy mummy and get back to my high school weight quickly after birth. I was itching to get back to the gym days after getting home from the hospital.
The ideas racing around my head was the calm before the storm of psychosis. With psychosis came the unpleasant side effect of anti-psychotic medication induced weight gain. I ballooned in a short space of time from the olanzapine, gaining even more stretch marks than what I had got from being pregnant. The munchies from olanzapine were terrible, chocolate was my weakness to the point where my husband had to restrict what money I was given when I was in the mental health unit as I would spend it all on the vending machine rather than my computer access. I have been told I was constantly seeking food when I was hospitalised, I had food squirrelled away in my room, was one of the first patients to line up for meal time or assist stocking the fridge each morning and I even pinched other patients food at times.
Once home from hospital I emotionally ate my through my recovery. If I was bored I ate, if I was depressed I ate, if I was procrastinating I ate. Food numbed the pain, food was a way to escape dealing with the reality that I had a psychotic episode. My diet consisted primarily of wheat and dairy – wash, rinse, repeat.
Around July 2013 I hit my heaviest point. None of my clothes fit, it was a struggle to walk up the stairs whilst carrying my son, and I felt uncomfortable within myself. I was searching for answers as to why I developed Postpartum Psychosis. As I researched I found Changing Habits and gradually began to implement slow changes to my diet and lifestyle from December 2013. I reached my first goal of pre-pregnancy weight in November 2014. I had lost the same amount of weight as my son weighed currently. It was like a Biggest Loser moment when the contestants carry a back pack of the weight they used to be as a reminder of their previous self, except I was carrying my son.
In about 14 months I have lost over 25kgs, reaching a goal I did not think possible, my wedding weight in February 2015. People have started to notice the changes, asking me what I have been doing, and how have I lost the weight. I have received gracious comments like my eyes are brighter and more open, I am walking with confidence and that I am looking younger. Some people are not recognising me at first glance, even Cyndi O’Meara in November 2014 at the Awaken the Change Within retreat did not realise I was the same person she had met in March 2014 at the Changing Habits One Day Workshop. I feel better within myself and have noticed I no longer look puffy, the weight is falling off evenly and I have more energy. Though I may be the same weight as when I married my sweetheart, my body is a different shape than before particularly as this body has given birth to my beautiful son. I can look back now and see that I wasn’t huge in my wedding photos, I was a stunning bride that brought a tear to the groom’s eye.
Because it’s all about the bass. Next goal: High school weight!