This week I lost my crazy, vivacious Aunty and though we were waiting for the phone call any day, any hour, it still was hard knowing it was her time to leave us so young. Knowing she is now at peace and no longer in pain gives me strength as I process this sad news.
As I received that phone call, with tears streaming down my face and the well of huge sobs about to burst from my chest I look up. ‘What’s the matter mum? Can we do some baking now mum?’. The words of a 3 year old snaps me back into reality. ‘Do you need a face cloth mum? Are you not feeling well mum?’ Toddlers are great reminders to be present in the moment. Hand in hand my son takes me to the bathroom to wipe my face. I look down at my little man fathoming how I need to be strong, not just for me but for him as well.
This moment is the first moment that has rocked my world since I became a mother. Dealing with grief and loss is a very different experience once you have young children around. In our family I see myself as the rock, the person that keeps it all together when times get tough. This mentality has lead to my downfall in the past as I have not taken good care of myself, taking on everyone else’s emotions. This time I have another little being who depends on me and I need to look after myself.
This week I have stepped my self-care rituals. Immune Boost vaporising constantly, being mindful of the state of mind I am in, taking time out just for me and being aware of not taking on others emotions. I strengthen myself with a spritz of Rose oil before I walk out the door and face the world. For me the best medicine is the laughter of my son. Husband took me out for lunch and time at the beach to slow down. I took a day off work as my body took the stress to the next level and I had a health expression telling me to slow down.
There were days I didn’t want to get up from bed, nights when I didn’t want to go to sleep, times I didn’t feel like eating and other times I emotionally ate things that didn’t respect my body. I am so grateful for having my rituals of self-care as part of being a mother to cope with challenges. Having my son around kept me in my daily rhythms and kept me focused on the present moment. Having my husband show his love and support gave me strength to move forward. Having my essential oils gives me the courage to face this dark time. My essential oils and the wisdom I have learnt on my journey of self-discovery so far is what is getting me through the second phone call in five days of another family loved one passing away.
Tomorrow as my family gathers to farewell my Aunty I will remember the happy times we had together, singing this song at the top of our lungs, you will always be glamorous in my eyes.